Bentley Bentayga 2022: When Luxury Meets Ludicrous Speed

The Track

Welcome to the secret We Review Cars track, nestled somewhere in the English countryside. A place where the weather can change faster than a politician's stance on climate change. One moment it's a sunlit paradise, the next it's a scene straight out of Wuthering Heights. There’s no better place to test the mettle of a £150,000 behemoth with a W12 engine. And test it we did.

First Impressions

Upon first glance, the Bentayga looks like it belongs outside a country estate, waiting to ferry its occupants to the nearest polo match. It’s as if the Queen herself commissioned an SUV that could double as a ballistic missile. The car is an imposing presence, with a grille that looks like it could swallow lesser vehicles whole and headlights that seem to judge you for not wearing a bespoke suit.

Under the Bonnet

Lifting the bonnet reveals the heart of this beast—a 6.0-litre W12 engine capable of producing 626 horsepower. For the uninitiated, that’s about the same power as a small European nation. The engine growls to life with a sound that could only be described as 'money.' It’s a symphony of power, each note a reminder that you’re in control of something both magnificent and slightly absurd.

Performance on the Track

Now, let's get to the meat of the matter: performance. This isn’t just a luxury SUV; it’s a performance vehicle that demands to be driven hard. We took it through its paces on our secret track, a labyrinthine circuit designed to separate the wheat from the chaff. And let me tell you, the Bentayga is all wheat, no chaff.

Cornering in the Bentayga feels like defying the laws of physics. Despite its considerable heft—it weighs as much as a small cottage—it handles with surprising agility. The air suspension adapts to every twist and turn, maintaining a level of composure that’s almost eerie. You can push it harder and harder, and the Bentayga just laughs in the face of adversity.

Acceleration

Ah, the acceleration. Tap the accelerator, and the Bentayga lunges forward with the urgency of a greyhound chasing a particularly juicy rabbit. It’s almost comical how quickly this behemoth can get up to speed. One moment you’re admiring the countryside, the next you’re hurtling towards the horizon at warp speed. 0-60 mph in 3.8 seconds is not just fast; it’s ludicrous for a vehicle of this size.

Braking

Of course, what goes fast must also stop fast. The Bentayga is equipped with massive brakes that bring this runaway freight train to a halt with surprising grace. There’s no drama, no screeching tires—just a dignified, almost regal deceleration. It’s as if even the brakes are too well-mannered to cause a fuss.

Interior Luxury

Inside, the Bentayga is a cathedral of luxury. The seats are upholstered in the finest leather, so supple that sitting in them feels like being gently cradled by an angel. The dashboard is adorned with real wood and metal accents, each piece crafted with the kind of meticulous attention to detail usually reserved for Swiss watches. It’s a place where you feel both invincible and impossibly pampered.

The infotainment system is a marvel of modern technology, though it’s almost an afterthought in a vehicle like this. You don’t buy a Bentayga to fiddle with touchscreens; you buy it to command attention and dominate the road. Still, for those who care, the system is intuitive and responsive, a nod to the fact that even the obscenely wealthy enjoy a bit of convenience now and then.

The Verdict

So, is the Bentley Bentayga 2022 worth its eye-watering price tag? It depends on what you're looking for. If you want a practical family SUV, there are cheaper options. But if you want to experience the apex of automotive engineering—a vehicle that combines outrageous speed with unparalleled luxury—then the Bentayga is in a league of its own. It’s a car for those who have everything and desire even more. For those who believe that the journey should be as exhilarating as the destination.

In a world increasingly obsessed with austerity and moderation, the Bentayga stands as a glorious monument to excess. It’s a reminder that sometimes, more is indeed more. And for that, I salute it.

Ah, the Bentley Bentayga 2022. It's the vehicular equivalent of wearing a tuxedo to a barbecue—utterly over the top and entirely unapologetic about it. In a world where everyone is trying to be more eco-conscious, more sensible, and more 'woke,' the Bentayga stands as a gloriously decadent middle finger to all that. It's an SUV that doesn't just whisper luxury; it shouts it from the rooftops with a megaphone. The 6.0-litre W12 engine is like having a private jet under your bonnet, and it propels this behemoth from 0-60 mph in a mind-boggling 3.8 seconds. Yes, it's ridiculous, and yes, it's utterly brilliant. The interior is so luxurious it makes Buckingham Palace look like a Travelodge. But let's be clear—this isn't a car for the masses. It's a car for those who want to make a statement, who want to tell the world, 'I have arrived, and I don't care what you think.' And for that, I salute it.